Was that dramatic enough? Constance, copywriter par excellence, will be contributing an occasional column here, and this is her introduction:
Copywriting
Lily has asked me to address potential authors regarding what I am reading for when I write a blurb. Hm. I’ve been on vacation for over a week, so I’m out of practice. Thinking. Canada, pretty; fire, bad. Bear with me, please.
Oh, and I apologize in advance. I’ve made perfectly nice, competent writers cry (I’m told), which is why I don’t edit anymore. Just remember, I say this with love and respect in my heart.
When I’m writing a blurb, I don’t care if your novel is good, bad, ugly, or indifferent. That’s not my job. I’m looking for a hook and sell-points. That is all I care about. I will have read your darling three or four times before I wrote the two to three paragraphs that make up the blurb, and during those reads, I will have sucked all the juice right out of your beautiful butterfly words. I look for who-what-when-where-why-how. Then I boil it down to be as spoiler-free as humanly possible, sprinkle in appropriate superlatives, and send it off to the publisher.
Is your novel a masterwork of prose, destined for immortality? Great. I’m so happy for you, but please clarify which war you’re talking about. Do your themes resound with human drama? Fabu. What is your protagonist’s name? Don’t make me go back 15 pages to find out. Are four adjectives strung out in every sentence? I’ll cut them. That’s my job, not yours.
I read three to eight books a week, half novels, half non-fiction. I’ve been reading for decades. I’m very, very good at reading. And what I’ve learned, other than what not to write, is how to drill down to the meat of a story. I’m not as attached as you are to your particular vision. This is not a bad thing. Every potential reader is me. I’m the aisle-blocking chick in the bookstore, skimming the back cover of the book in my right hand, with five books tucked under my left. I know what makes me buy, and Casperian is betting that I can use that understanding to make others buy.
I am Jane Doe, Joe Average, potential paycheck. I am your audience. Give me something to love.